


where I cannot go, where I long to be (she calls me)

by gingergenower



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, F/M, Feelings, Fluff, Romance, Swearing, another goddamn moana reference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 06:42:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9223547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingergenower/pseuds/gingergenower
Summary: A few months after Scarif, Cassian, Jyn and Bodhi are stranded after a mission.





	

Cassian passes Bodhi the wrench, and Jyn stumps her foot against the side of the junker, sighing.

Underneath their rusting can of a ship, Bodhi’s checking out the damage. A TIE fighter nearly knocked them out of the sky as it spun out of control, but Cassian couldn’t think except to get them out of that airspace, jumping into lightspeed before Bodhi could stop him. It got them to safety- relatively, anyway, but they all heard something under the floor rip under the stress of the jump. 

Bodhi landed them on some moon in the Outer Rim, and they’re six miles or so from civilisation but being stranded is better than being dead.

“I can reroute the power feed to the stabilisers,” Bodhi calls, flat on his back underneath the ship, “but the bracketing supporting the compression chamber is shot, I can’t fix it without new panels and rivets.”

Cassian crouches down, looking at Bodhi work. “Assuming we have all that, how long will it take?”

“A couple of hours?” Bodhi yanks a twisted scrap of metal off the ship, and drops it next to him. “Oh, no, probably less than that. Some of it held up.”

Cassian turns to Jyn. “See what you can find.”

After a few seconds, he turns back and she’s still stood there, arms folded, eyebrows raised, waiting.

“ _Please_.”

With a huff, she turns on her heel and disappears inside the junker.

Bodhi doesn’t move, tongue sticking out as he fiddles with some wires. “Look, I don’t- _ah_ shit- I don’t know what’s wrong with you two, but if you could both quit the whole about-to-rip-each-other’s-throat-out thing, that’d be great.”

“We’re not-”

Bodhi stops, glaring at him.

“… _I’m_ not.”

Rolling his eyes, Bodhi gets back to work. “Yeah, well. I’m still in the middle of it.”

Cassian scratches his neck, and says nothing. As captain, it’s Cassian’s job to get them all back in one piece. They don’t have to like him, just do as they’re told, and she hadn’t disobeyed him once out in the field. Starting an argument would be unnecessary and a waste of time.

Jyn hauls out a whole pile of sheet metal, dumping them by Cassian and holding them up, one at a time, for Bodhi to look at.

“No. No. No, no. No. N-yes! That one!”

She passes it to him. “What size rivets are we talking? And how many?”

Bodhi measures it out between his thumb and his index finger. “At least eight. Ten, if you can manage it.”

Picking up the rejected sheet metal, Cassian helps her pile it up in her arms, but she doesn’t even look at him. She disappears back onto the ship, and Cassian watches her go. Eventually, he rubs his face and shakes it off, turning back to Bodhi. 

Bodhi bites back a grin. “Seriously, what did you do?”

“Do you need any help?” Cassian says, gesturing to the panelling in his hands.

“You need help,” Bodhi mutters.

Cassian’s interrupted by Jyn, who comes back juggling a couple of handfuls of rivets. “There’s twelve of these?”

“Perfect.” He pats the ground next to him. “Get under here, I need you to steady this while I weld it.”

Rolling her eyes, she dumps the rivets in Cassian’s hands and wriggles in the space next to Bodhi. They have so little room they’re pressed up against each other, Bodhi’s elbow resting on Jyn’s stomach. Cassian drops the rivets on the ground in front of him, watching.

“Do you see-?” he says, pointing. “We need _that_ to realign with-”

She presses the panel in place. “Okay, yeah, so-?”

Bodhi takes hold of the back of Jyn’s hands, guiding them left a little. “Right, keep it still.” Cassian drops a rivet in Bodhi’s hand, and he sets to work.

Cassian sits at their feet, watching them. Bodhi concentrates, Jyn grits her teeth and locks her muscles in place, closing her eyes when Bodhi tells her to because of potential sparks flying. 

She leans away as much as she can, and Cassian glimpses the cut on her forehead. He reminds himself that’s why. They got in that firefight because he was distracted by her attitude- her lack of attention, not even her disrespect. She wasn’t strapped in properly and smacked her head on the console- she’s lucky not to have concussion.

Every time Cassian gets distracted people die. He can’t afford to do the Empire any favours; he knows he wants something he can’t have. Dwelling on it is a wasted exercise.

There for nearly half an hour, when Bodhi tells Jyn she can drop her arms she does, but doesn’t move any further than that. 

Bodhi grins, nudging her. “Get out of here, I don’t need you anymore.”

“How the hell am I supposed to do that? We’re practically Siamese,” she says, wriggling as if to prove how little she could.

“Figure it out,” he says, examining his own handiwork.

Ignoring the hand Cassian offers her, she digs her heels into the ground and drags herself out until she can sit up. She leans against the side of the ship, exhausted.

“You okay?” Bodhi asks, hammering something down.

“Fine,” she says, stifling a yawn.

Cassian leans in. “How’s your head?”

She frowns, finally ( _finally, finally_ ) looking at him. He gestures to the cut.

“You’re bleeding.”

Touching it, her hand comes away with a speck of red on her finger. She shrugs. “I didn’t realise the skin broke.”

“You sure you’re okay?”

She chooses not to answer, hauling herself to her feet and dusting off. The sand’s in her hair, up her back, and she shakes out her shirt like it’s diseased. 

Cassian crouches back down. “How’s it looking?”

“Like it won’t kill us if we try flying again,” Bodhi says, crawling out himself. “It’ll get us back in one piece.”

“I should bloody think so,” Jyn says, stretching out her wrists.

Bodhi starts packing up his tools, but Cassian takes over. “I need to check everything, make sure the stabilisers can handle it. Is that alright?”

“Go ahead,” Cassian says, wrapping the weld in its fireproof blanket, and Bodhi disappears inside.

Cassian sees Jyn watching him out of the corner of his eye, but he keeps his head down until he’s bundled everything together and slings the bag of tools over his shoulder. She’s still there, and he raises his eyebrows when she blocks his path.

“I deserve to know why.”

“Not now,” he says, adjusting the bag and trying to walk around her. She moves with him.

“It’s not that you don’t care. You care.”

“Right.” 

They stare at each other.

“Tell me!”

“Not now, Jyn, that’s an order.”

She actually laughs at him. “Like I give a shit about orders-”

The ship lights up. Bodhi’s got it working again. 

Cassian sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Let’s just get back to base, we’ll talk about it when we’re safe.”

Looking between him and the ship, there’s something in her eyes that disappears. She shakes her head, stepping back. “Forget it.”

“Jyn-”

“Seriously, forget it-”

She turns- he grabs her wrist but she doesn’t break his arm, and they both look down at his grip. Eventually, he drops her, hand clenching into a fist at his side.

“Sorry. I didn’t-”

“Cassian.”

Trouble, he thinks. That’s what she looked like when they walked her into the Alliance control centre; it’s first thing he thought about her. She didn’t stand for anything, she didn’t have anyone, and she was a threat to his mission as much as she could help it.

She still looks like trouble, but it’s different now. She’s trouble because none of that is true of her anymore.

Taking a step forwards, gaze fixed with his, she slips the bag off his shoulder. It hits the ground with a thud. He wants to step back, put some distance between them, but she smells like cinnamon and sweat and her hands touch his waist. Her hand reaches up to cup his face, and he realises she’s never going to be this close again, he’s never going to have this, so he leans into it.

His throat hurts with want. “How am I supposed to give you an order that might kill you?”

She waits.

“How do I tell you to go somewhere you might not come back from? How am I supposed to keep you safe when all we do is run into fights we should die in?”

She smiles, sad. “You just do. I don’t mind dying for something.”

“I- I _can’t_ -” 

She pulls him into an embrace. “You don’t make my choices. I do. And if I end up dying… I’d rather die having known happiness.”

Cassian buries his face in her neck, biting his lip so he doesn’t make a sound. All he’s know is rebellion, he’s never had anything else, he’s never needed anything else but she’s holding him and how’s he supposed to let go-

She lets go, pressing a kiss to the corner of his lips as she pulls away. “Let me know what you want.” 

The air between them is cold, and he knows what he wants because she’s still here.

He kisses her, hard. Torso pressed against his and curving into the shape of his body, her hands tangle in his hair, and he pulls her off her feet he’s holding her so tight.

“If you two have sorted your shit out, we’re good to go.”

Jyn slides back down until her feet touch the ground, grinning, and Cassian glares at Bodhi.

“…I’m sure I can find something else to test.”

Bodhi disappears back inside, and Cassian rests his forehead against hers. “Are you sure?”

“Are you?”

People fight rebellions so they can have lives like this. “Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> I love Jyn she's a lil ball of anger and I identify


End file.
